


How To Make New Friends

by RunRabbitRun



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: Casual Sex, Crack, Drunkenness, F/M, Gen, Humor, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 10:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunRabbitRun/pseuds/RunRabbitRun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy and Loki get drunk and talk contemporary lit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Make New Friends

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink meeeeeeeeme (full thread [here](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3231.html?thread=5231775#t5231775)). I have no excuse.

“Snape’s a moron,” Loki slurred “Spending his whole life hung up on one woman. Fuckin’ pathetic.”

“Fuck you,” hiccuped Darcy, “Lily was his one true love. She was the only one who could ever make him happy.”

“That’s stupid!” Loki cried, “Here, trade me.” He waved the half-full bottle of wine at Darcy, who took it and handed him her bottle of Cognac, which he then took a gigantic pull off of. “Listen here mortal, I have loved many women. Many, MANY women. And men. And a horse. They all made me happy… well, not the horse, but yeah. They made me happy! There’s no such damn thing as only being made happy ‘cause of one friggin’ person. That’s jus’ stupid.”

“Well you’re not Snape. You’re an intergalactic ho-bag, that’s what you are,” Darcy pointed out. She took a swig of wine and coughed a little at the strong taste. “You’re a freak, you could have any horsey lady you wanted. Lily was, like, Snape’s only chance!”

“All the more reason not to be with him!” Loki chugged the last of his cognac and grabbed a handful of peanuts out of the bowl they had between them. “Look, for a person to be any decent at all, they have to be at least appealing to three people, maybe four. Proves that they’re worthwhile beings. If someone, _hic_ , is only willing or able to be with ONE fuckin’ person, that means they’re a troll.”

“It’s love, stupid, not… not… something else. Not like a horse race.”

“What does that even mean?”

Darcy giggled “I dunno.” She tried to stand, failed, and then crawled on her knees to over where the box of cookies had gotten hurled, near the fire place. “I love nilla wafers.”

“I want some!” Loki flopped on his belly and reached one grabby hand out for a cookie.

“No!” Darcy clutched the box to her chest with one hand and stuffed two cookies into her mouth with the other. “No fuck no! They’re mine!”

“I brought them!” whined Loki, tugging on Darcy’s skirt pleadingly.

“You brought them for me, ‘cause I asked you to bring them for me. So they’re mine. Nom nom nom.”

“Fine then you can’t have any more of my booze, wench,” Loki snapped and started gathering up the various empty and partially-empty bottles of liquor scattered around the carpet.  
"  
“Nooo! Fine! Here!” Darcy wailed and started throwing nilla wafers at Loki’s head. This devolved into a game of "Try to Catch Things in Your Mouth" which led to "Stop Throwing M&Ms at Me You Asshole" which then led to "Wrestling" with naturally became "Cuddling".

Loki nuzzled her tits as they sprawled together on the rug. The fire snapped and blazed merrily behind the grate despite the lack of logs or any other flammable material. Magic Fire was awesome.

“I like you,” he said into (or perhaps directly to) her boobs.

“If you like me so much you should let me go home.” Darcy said without much fervor. In truth, she didn’t mind being stuck with Loki in a magic Ice Castle on the Moon or wherever the fuck they were. She missed Jane and Thor and the rest of the Super Boy Band, but hanging around with Loki and reading Harry Potter along with all of Loki’s crazy black-magic spell books was actually pretty cool. Kind of like a vacation. And once Loki had gotten over that whole I’M A SCARY MAN YOU ARE MY PRISONER MWAHAHA shtick he proved to be an okay guy, aside from the whole “Super Villain” thing. And he was dynamite in the sack, so yeah. That helped.

“No, I don’t want you to go. Stay here with me,” he mumbled drunkenly, once again into her cleavage. Darcy started braiding his hair.

“Okay. You’re still totally wrong about Snape, though.”

Loki snored in response.


End file.
